travel sickness

i cannot travel. not long distance, not by air, or bus, or car. it has taken me 21 years of my life to realise this. that is huge, considering that has been all my life. the realisation, nevertheless, is shattering. it came, between shit loads of puke and subsequent dizziness during a recent trip. it was only then i realised that this was not the first time. this had happened so many times that even i had stopped paying attention to it. but this was the missing piece of my childhood puzzle. now, this means i may never be able to see all i have wanted to since i was a child. it will be hard for me to pack my bag, put on my travelling shoes n go to historic monuments or go trekking or rafting, or for all that i have waited all these years to do for my parents never let me wander around as a child. worse, i'll never be able to click all those pictures. i hate this kind of existence when physiological factors tend to threaten my dreams. it pins me down, clips those beautiful long elegant wings i have let grow on my mind, smash the window panes of my castle, do everything that makes me wriggle in my cocoon. i hate it. totally. i feel like a sick old woman. damn. i want to fly, far, far beyond the eye and mind can see, far till it is dizzying n maddening n away from familiarity.....far away n wide....i want to explore, walk through unknown streets without fear or reserve.....roam around unknown towns, with no face flickering any recognition and me as me, not conscious of every step, not worrying if some perverse mind will reach its arm to touch all those parts in my body which are deemed to be covered and so attractive.....where i wouldn't have to wear an armour and iron caskets over my tender organs and stifle them and me.....where i will see beautiful sunrises and sunsets and soak into my mind and my lens the beauty of life and my solitude......i want to fly far away and without fear.....